A friend of Fred's died and was sent up to the pearly gates. But the guard at the gate said he couldn't allow him into Heaven and sent him down to Hell.

Two Australian builders were working on a house. One was on a ladder nailing.

A young blond guy was down on his luck and, wanted to earn some money. He decided to hire himself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. He went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for him to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

It's not a handyman skill, but I was talking to Fred about conkers today, and thought that information on this old English game might interest people.

Fred has hankered after a Black and Decker Scorpion saw for a long time. Then he was asked to help replace some rotting weatherboards on an older house. He told me he absolutely “had to have” this gadget. So he headed off to the shop to buy one.